This post has no purpose, if you have a better way to spend your time I would recommend not reading any further.  I have a slew of random thoughts that don’t have room in my brain, so I am using the chronicles as my trash can. 

1.  I will never understand how people ingest wasabi without making “that face.”  Who invented wasabi?  Unsuspecting green paste, mmm sounds yummy, oh and it sets my whole self on fire, give me more.  And the people who think they are extra cool by loading it on.  You are not cool.  You are now snot sucking and wiping sweat from your forehead, gross.

2.  Men should not wear capris, especially not capri jeans.  I saw it today and it hurt.  A lot.  Skinny jeans and skinny jean shorts should not be made.  Someone be their friend and tell them its not good.  Send them back inside and don’t let them out until they have full length pants on.

3.  Why are pants called pants and not pant…one single pair is plural, I just don’t get it.

4.  How do you say the word palm…is it pahhhhlm…is it pom?  Do you pronounce the L?  Same with huge…if you say it yoooj I don’t think we can hang out.

5.  My iPod/iTunes got hijacked…for real.  Somehow i look at the digital display and it says “Just got Paid” but what’s in my ear is Cotton Eyed Joe.  Disrespect. 

6.  When someone says “long story short” they just lied.  Count on it.  If they didn’t say those three words to begin with their story would be shorter.

7.  I would like to carry cards like referee’s do in soccer and throw them at people when they don’t say thank you or acknowlege someone holding the door for them. 

8.  I hate that everything I see I feel the urgency to make a status update.  I want to hold classes on status updates to tell people that facebook isn’t a long dear diary entry.  Red Card.

9.  Why do my running clothes smell worse than a swamp?  Do clothes rot?  Is my sweat toxic?  Can it dissolve dri fit? 

10.  Glass cleaner claims to be streak proof…whatever.  I never got to be the product tester and I assure you I can streak any piece of glass.

11.  Why do cat fights sound like whaling babies?  I thought someone left two babies on my porch, crying.  No, it was garfield and other garfield killing each other on my porch.  Why do you wait to slaughter each other until 1am?  Very inconsiderate.

12.  What happened to myspace? 

13.  Why does this guy at my gym roll up one side of his shorts?  I know the deal with rolling up one pant leg but shorts?  Dude, why are you so uncool?  Stop.

14.  I went shopping, everything would have been so cute if it wasn’t horribly ugly.  What is the deal with making super tight pants and tent like shirts.  But if I fall out of a plane, my shirt will double as a parachute.  Great.

15.  I would like to get rid of all condiments (except salsa).  They serve no purpose than to mask the taste of what mother nature intended.  Stop hating on Mom, she will make it rain when you wear silk or white.

16.  Golf announcers whisper in an accent and I like that.

17.  I have nothing more for now..but know that I will…and for that I am sorry.

18.  I have magnetism for the strange, and I am ok with that…if it wasn’t for that my material would be lacking.  There are times when I talk with someone and in my head say…”you are a story happening right now”.

If you made it this far I am truly sorry for wasting your precious time. 

I have to go do something awesome right away.  Bye.

Cheetah taking out the Trash