TIGHTS!  Yeah, I said it…tights…not the kind to be worn with a nice skirt…no, I’m talking runner tights.  The kind that make you look like you are a super hero fail.  Got the image…good, I have them…I wear them and I love them.  They are the fashion of mom jeans (not my mom because she is cool) but the waist line is mid rib cage, I feel the elastic when I breathe.  It’s like a rib cage monitor…don’t pull the strings too tight or you will end yourself.    It gets better…they have TWO zippers…at the ankles.  We don’t want air getting in there – it will ruin the vacuum seal look, which is just what America is hoping to see, a vacuum sealed cheetah.  Shield your eyes…heed my warning…its going to show up in public, and for this, I am sorry.

Runner fashion is nothing to mess with, its serious.  So very serious.  What other group of people could get away with wearing shorts that belong to their children?  One swift breeze and Mr. Shorty Shorts has just ruined my smile for the rest of the day.  But he’s not ashamed, no he loves those shorts..those are his lucky race shorts.  We love dry fit, not the most flattering fabric.  I mean, they don’t make business suits of dry fit BUT if they did…all runners would be debuting that at the office.  Who wouldn’t want moisture wicking pants and a sport coat?  Those meetings can get intense, no one will see you sweat..it will be wicked away.  Which makes me wonder..where does this moisture get wicked to?  I need to know so I don’t go there.  I am afraid of all bodies of liquid that have no identifiable source.  Like the mystery liquid in the parking lot when it didn’t even rain, yeah where did THAT come from.  Maybe it’s snake spit?  Sick.

Perhaps a dry fit dress would be nice…I think that exists but think of the efficiency here.  You could kick off your heels and throw on the mizunos and run like the runner nerd you host from within.  Why don’t they make baby dri fit gear?  Babies seem to always have some form of non-dry things on them…seems logical to me.  (especially since I have no children of my own,  people of the blog, its your job to invent this and test it). 

Not only do we have super ugly fashion we have very annoying OCD habits.  Gotta get up at an exact hour, eat, digest, poop, suit up and take to the streets.  We have to be in bed by a certain hour to be sure we don’t sabotage ourselves from the amazing run we know we will be having.  We talk like, yeah, I do 15 miles every weekend for a warm up.  I am so amazing and I see you noticing how awesome I am.  Being awesome can not be taught, either you have it or you don’t..there is no awesome school…no awesome 101 (if they did have awesome classes I would be teaching Grad level, that class is about being humble). 

No point to tonight, just in a great mood thinking about the fortune of my life.  I LOVE my life.  I have an amazing family (that doesn’t have drama..really we don’t), the most beautiful nieces and nephews who make me melt with the sound of their voice, friends that I would lay down my life for, and an amazing job!  There are times when I realize that all of the suffering that i have endured in my lifetime has made me appreciate every little thing on a level deeper than I thought possible. 

That’s all for now…I can’t seem to stop babbling…lucky you.

Cheetah in Tights!

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