Sitting out bites.  I hate it.  I hate how paranoid I feel when I am defying my doctors orders.  Why did I go to the doctor in the first place?  I have no idea.  I don’t need some fancy medical degree or nice letters after my name to know that I am clearly better suited to diagnose my foot problem.  Why do I find what he has told me invalid?  I prefer to believe what he has told me is invalid.  Is it possible that I have a hearing disorder..defined as the inability to hear anything that would upset me and make me not run.  Do not mock…this is no time for laughing – my self loathing of how I feel now is at an all time high.

I was running this morning.  (I know, I know..shhhhh…don’t tell the doctor).  I wanted to go fast but was haunted by my doctors face…and the look of disappointment with my hearing disorder.  I kept thinking, what’s another mile, I have already come this far.  Well call me genius…ya, keep going, forget the fracture, that’s for wimps, let’s shatter it.  Way to go slick.  (i should slap myself for being dumb)

So in my obsessiveness and complete lack of ability to do what I am supposed to do, I have researched just how to cure myself.  The list isn’t really helpful but here is what I found:

  • They say to go slow, don’t jump into any activity too quickly and build up your endurance over time.
  • WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  Progress how slow…I don’t have time for slow.

  • Pay attention to your nutrition and eat a well balanced diet.
  • Eat well, I do..I enjoy my protein shakes and goldfish snacks. I am sure this is exactly what they mean.

  • Wear the correct shoes and when needed replace shoes
  • No problem here.  I have heals for any occasion.  Now replace shoes?  Who is the author…I just don’t understand.  I get adding to the collection but replacement, absurd.

  • If the condition does not improve, see your doctor.
  • I can see my physician, I see him well, there is nothing wrong with my eyes

    Someone who cares about me told me this and it is slowly sinking in…he said, “Cheetah you are so young, you have years of running and infinite number of races to participate in, what’s 2 weeks off?”  He’s right.  There is time.  Patience is paramount.  Self Control and discipline, necessity.  I need to go after recovery as aggressively as I go after races.  My legs are a gift and I need to treat them like the treasure God intended them for, to do good things and inspire others. 

    God has me sitting out for a reason.  Time for reflection.  Time for true realization that running is not an entitlement, it is a gift. 

    I just found five dollars.

    Cheetah on the Mend